My book is out!!
No, it’s not. But it’s out in a week. I’m begging you to preorder it - preorders help so much with getting websites to boost the book to other users. But regular orders - also good. Any of these sites here are great for purchasing (I don’t have a preference!). It’s a silly, short humor collection about modern dating. It’s abstract New-Yorker-style satire pieces mixed in with some personal essays, so you’ll probably learn a thing or two about me :)
I feel compelled to make a general pitch for buying…things. I think most of you know me from Twitter, and I’m happy you do. As you can imagine, I don’t get paid for my tweets, and Elon Musk hasn’t responded to my DMs about what he’ll do to address that. About 99% of the content I’ve ever released out into the world has been free (and a lot of it looked free, and for that, I’m sorry). I love to make free content, but to support myself, I occasionally need to sell a bigger project to like a publishing house or a podcast network or a TV studio. With this book in particular, I’m not trying to make money from the sales. In fact, probably won’t make any money (only about 25-30% of authors earn out their advances). What I’m really hoping to do is sell enough copies that another publisher will let me write another book. The more deals I can get, the longer I will be able to be a writer. So please - if you’re looking for a fun read for yourself or a friend, I really hope you’ll consider picking up a copy. And if you do want the book but it’s too expensive, respond to this email and I’ll hook you up.
Which brings me to…I’m going on a book tour. This month, I’m hitting Atlanta, SF, and NYC. The readings are super chill and casual. There will probably be snacks. Basically, I’ll have a very funny comedian banter with me for a few minutes, then I’ll read a few pieces from the book, and then I’ll take questions. But mostly, we will just hang out. I’d love to meet you, please come say hi!
ALSO, along with the book tour, I’m doing stand up comedy. I have an hour scheduled in Atlanta May 1st, and NYC May 14th. For cheap tickets to the NYC one, use discount code TWITTERFRIEND. For cheap/free tickets in Atlanta, reply to this email. I may also do an hour in SF, in which case, I will send an email.
I am honestly a little bit overwhelmed. My acid reflux has been so bad that I’m terrified of performing for an hour. I have the kind where I sometimes feel like I’m choking (not that there’s really a “good kind”). I did a long set in Philly on Friday, and it went okay. I just get so nervous around any kind of launch and/or tour. Or any sort of traveling. Or honestly, doing anything. I’m also gearing up to spend 5 days in the woods. And I’m learning how to drive. Anyway, I’m really really grateful for your support. I hate to sound sappy (jk, I love it), but I feel very lucky to be a writer, and I hope I get to continue doing this. But if I don’t, it’s okay. I’ll find something else to do. Plus, I now know how to drive.
Here’s a little satire piece that my pal Dan Rosen illustrated:
My Dreams for the Additional Webs, After Web3
Illustrated by Dan Rosen
Web3 is upon us: a new iteration of the web, based on decentralized blockchain technology. Web2.0 was dominated by centralized companies like Facebook and Spotify, and it’s time for them to peace out. After all, who doesn’t want to put ‘control my own data’ on their to-do list? But once we do away with the middlemen, what comes next?
Web4: We eliminate passwords from the internet, and instead, if you want something you’ve written online to be secure, you have to type it in white font against a white background.
Web5: Online ad-targeting is gone. Now, to figure out what you want to wear, you have to email Amazon customer support directly and ask if they have personalized recommendations. This time around, we get to annoy them.
Web6: This new version of the internet doesn’t allow for cyberbullying. Analog bullying only, face to face, the way Melania always wanted.
Web7: We stop getting our news online. Unless it was on a Tumblr blog from 2011, which is quickly becoming the entire internet.
Web8: There is no more Cloud. Except the clouds in the sky, which you now have time to look at, since your refreshes are becoming much less captivating.
Web9: Keyboards stop working, and people must write in cursive again, via touch-screen. It’s a joyous time where nobody has carpal tunnel.
Web10: Without e-commerce, we must rely on these concrete establishments known as “stores.”
Web11: Delete all cookies! This isn’t related to the internet - your doctor recently warned you about your glycemic index.
Web12: We eliminate the blockchain entirely, and instead just run things on our own computers. Or, we don’t. It’s really not that important to “run things,” it seems.
Web13: All social media has been banned and the only social networks are groups of old ladies playing Bridge over cucumber sandwiches. You’re welcome to join them, since there’s also no more online poker.
Web14: And without social media, Russia and/or the alt-right are incapable of starting disinformation campaigns on Facebook. It doesn’t mean they’re gone for good - Tony from bowling club told you that Sheila told him that Marta told her that Jason and Kelly had sex. And guess what? They didn’t.
Web15: “Algorithms” are replaced by “Al-Gore-isms” - funny shit Al Gore has said (“I definitely won that election,” for example).
Web16: Now, we get rid of the decentralizers. Well, we stop letting them run the internet, but instead, rope them all off in one house, the DeCenCen (The Decentralized Center). From there, we can probably shoot some sort of reality TV show. Or watch them play bridge.
Web17: Less machine learning, more children learning (we raise taxes on tech companies to fund public education. It would also be enough to just get Jeff Bezos to pay any amount of tax).
Web18: This one is just a big spider’s web. It’s all part of the process.
Web-19: Like other famous ‘19s,’ this one is the last virus your computer ever sees, before it closes its doors for good.
Web20: At this point, notifications are a thing of the past. And without that dopamine hit, counter-intuitively, you begin to finally relax.
Web21: The most updated version of DeFi yet: to exchange money, you need to hand someone a dollar bill. And offer them a smile!
Web22: We stop calling them “users” and start calling them “people.” It feels odd, but once you start saying it, you’ll get used to it.
Web23: This is the one where we’re finally happy and free! We did it!
Web1.0: A pesky MIT undergrad reinvents the internet. Drat.
love you friends. I’ll probably email you again May 3rd to remind you to buy the book. And also to not vote for JD Vance if you’re voting in the Republican Senate primary in Ohio. It was rude of them to schedule it on the same day as my book release!!
xox
Ginny