Boston, NYC, and a Return to PowerPoints

Hey friends! I hope you’re having a good month. I’m not, but so it goes. This month, I’m taking my stand up hour to Boston, and then bringing it back to Caveat in NYC with a brand new PowerPoint!! I can’t really take my PowerPoint on the road (it’s a technology too old to travel), so you gotta catch me in New York to get those slides. The hour is structured around creating a scorecard for becoming a fully-functional adult. It now has a totally different name and flier, again made by the genius Jason Adam Katzenstein. If you have friends you think might relate to the material, please send it to them! Here are the shows:

• Boston: the Hideout, 11/10 8 pm.

• NYC: Caveat, 11/29, 7pm.

I spent all of October on the road, and probably won’t do that again any time soon (I tried to post a thirst-trap at the end of my trip, but everyone just told me I looked tired). I returned emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausted in a way I hadn’t been in a while, which wasn’t great because I’m also somewhat buried in work. I’m midway through a new project for Audible that will hopefully come out July 2023, and I’m working on a new book. I’m also writing a piece about the men in my DMs, so if you’re a man in my DMs, thank you for the content!! I’ve had to scour old DMs for the piece, and while the insane or nasty ones stick in my memory, I am always struck by how kind the vast majority of people who reach out to me are. Just know that if you’ve ever DMed me to tell me you like my tweets, even if I haven’t responded, it’s probably made my day.

I wrote a few fun pieces that came out recently. My favorite was a piece with my pal Dan Rosen about non-MAGA Republicans (both of them). I wrote another with Julia Edelman and Eugenia Viti on WikiHows, and I continued my weekly Bustle Column, diving into the world of Peter Thiel’s dating app (I’m that committed to creating content). No, I wasn’t actually able to get on the app, but I still learned a lot.

Unsurprisingly, I’ve also listened to Taylor Swift’s new album 329082 times. Here’s my official ranking of songs, although they are all gems (she doesn’t miss!!):

• Anti-Hero

• Mastermind

• Question…..?

• Snow on the Beach

• Bejeweled

• Midnight Rain

• Vigilante Shit

• You’re on Your Own, Kid

• Maroon

• Karma

• Sweet Nothing

• Lavender Haze

• Labyrinth (sorry, this one is beautiful but made me ugly-cry so it had to come last. “Bigger than the Whole Sky,” from the 3am edition, also made me cry, but hot-cry. It’s different).

Send me thoughts, I’d love to know your opinions. I promise I won’t pick fights about it!! Well, no, I can’t promise that. If your opinions are insane, like you didn’t like Anti-Hero of something, then yeah, I might need to start shit.

Here is a new satire piece just for you, my dear readers.

Other Things I’d Ban Congresspeople from Doing

Banning Congresspeople from trading stocks seems like a good start, but why stop there? There are all sorts of things I believe they should be banned from doing, including but not limited to:

• Receiving gifts: They don’t need birthday presents, they’re Congresspeople, not children. And before you say, ‘what about from loved ones,’ keep in mind that these are politicians we’re talking about.

• Meeting with lobbyists: Not one good thing has ever come of this, so why not give everyone back their time?

• Passing legislation they haven’t read: It should at least be like those online Terms of Service agreements where you have to scroll to the bottom to check the box. At least.

• Opening a bank account: Cash was good enough for George Washington.

• Jogging in public: Paul Ryan’s gone, but the photos still haunt us. We don’t need more.

• Using the term Real Americans:’ Also, let’s cut ‘folks’ and ‘y’all.’ Statistically speaking, only some of the members of Congress are Midwestern.

• Using the carpool lane: Where do they have to be? Their entire job requirement is to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ a couple times a week. 

• Tweeting: I’m sure we can find some sort of campaign finance law to exclude them from doing this. This should be exclusively for funny people. 

• Instagramming: This should be exclusively for hot people.

• TikToking: Exclusively for hot, funny people.

• Facebooking: This one’s fine, actually.

• Marrying people who trade stocks: I call this the Nancy Pelosi Amendment, which is unfair, because it applies to all of them. Still, amendments need names, and it could be the only way to get her to read it.

• Marrying people: It feels unfair to do that to “people.”

• Using Dating Apps: Hinge is too distracting for Congresspeople. They need to swipe ‘no’ on tax cuts for the 1%, not Brian with the fish.

• Dating: I mean, if they’re not on dating apps, how would they meet people anyway? Do you really want them to join your intramural soccer league? I doubt they’re particularly coordinated, even if some (Josh Hawley) are fast.

• Running TV ads: Have you seen the offerings on Netflix these days? We don’t need to make TV worse.

• Fundraising: Little kids with bake sales are ‘fundraising.’ It’s not an appropriate sport for adults, much less people in power. 

• Voting in elections: Isn’t it enough that they get to vote on legislation? 

• Voting on legislation: I don’t think we should leave laws up to Congresspeople anymore - they’ve proven they can’t be trusted. It’s unfair that the average American (aka “Real American” aka “folks”) only gets to vote for people. I hate people. Let me vote on policies.

• Running for office: No one who wants to run should be allowed to. Even trying to is a massive red flag. It’s like that King Solomon proverb, I think.

• Laughing: I saw Mitch McConnell do this one, and it left an indelible mark on my memory.

Thanks as always for taking the time to read this. Much love,

xox

Ginny