Baltimore & NYC Stand Up Adventures
Hi friends! I’m in Vancouver right now. I’ve been on an adventure for the last month, and it’s been delightful. Here’s a photo of me on a mountain. I tried to post a sexy photo of me wearing this hat, and everyone just commented on the hat. So it goes.
What’s even more delightful, however, is how much stand up I’m doing this month (actually, I take that back - British Columbia is more delightful). I’ll just get the “tour dates” section out of the way now, and then we can just have fun:
July 14: Baltimore. I’m running my stand up hour, tell your friends in Baltimore to come!! Or come yourself. But mostly, I want to meet your friends. They sound hot.
July 15: DC. I’m doing a reading & signing of my humor book (which you can buy here…duh). Admittedly, readings are not as fun as stand up, but I promise to come back and do my stand up hour in DC again.
July 20th: I host a monthly show at Westside Comedy Club in NYC with a few great pals. Get tickets here!
July 23rd: I’m doing my hour in NYC at Caveat. Use code TWITTERFRIEND for cheap tickets (or just email me).
I wrote a lot of satire this month because I’ve been very steamed about the world, I guess. Here’s one on inflation and one on the Big Lie, and a random one about that newly single friend of yours. Feel free to sign up for my Patreon, I’m donating all the proceeds for the next two months to Tim Ryan’s Senate campaign.
And here’s an original satire piece just for you, my newsletter-ers.
Benefits of an Open-Office Floor Plan
As your boss, I’m thrilled to welcome you back to the office! Good news - we’ve switched to an open-office floor plan. We first got the idea from Facebook, and we wanted to copy them, since they’ve literally never had a bad idea. Read on for the following benefits we expect you to reap:
Knowledge Boosts: So many new things to learn in an open-office, once you start listening in on your coworkers’ chats! Think of it like a seminar - specifically, about Davis’ myriad ailments. Bet you didn’t know a man could sprain his torso!
Social Cohesion: Every morning, you get to enter a large, loud, bustling office of people complaining about the large, loud, and bustling office. It’s wonderful - to not only be on the same page, but to know it.
Cost-Savings: The money we save on doors goes directly into your paycheck. Unfortunately, the office started out with doors, and we paid to have them removed, and therefore, that money does come out of your paycheck. But the point is - it’s about you.
Creative Pursuits: The open-office floor plan is basically a stand-up comedy club for Janet - she can stand in the middle and riff on the price of bananas to anyone walking by. How many employers truly support their teams’ creative hobbies? Too many, you might say, if you actually listen to Janet’s jokes - but still.
Flexible Work Schedule: The lack of productivity during the workday opens the door for you to experiment with working nights/weekends, to polish the reports you were too distracted to finish during the week. I’ve always believed the weekday is for vague ideating, anyway.
Self-Discovery: Many have said that they didn’t know they couldn’t get any work done in an open-office floor plan. And now they do! Isn’t it wonderful to learn something new about ourselves? Cheaper than therapy (speaking of therapy, if you’re curious, Carrie is over Zoom on Thursdays at 4, and you can listen in - now that we have an open-office floor plan. That’s free therapy!).
Unexpected Collaboration: I recently started having sex with one of the marketers. Would that have happened without an open-office? Hard to know.
Mind-Expansion: An open-office plan is like aerating wine. But for ideas. Within just a few months of an open-office floor plan, employees tend to come back with all sorts of new thoughts, such as, “we should be able to permanently work from home,” and “if I can’t expense $300 noise-canceling headphones, I’m leaving.”
Supporting Local Businesses: You may find you’re so unable to be productive that you take your laptop down to the local coffee shop to work there. Giving back is very important to this company.
Family Bonding: You still can’t concentrate? Ask your fifth-grader to lend you their Adderall. Added bonus - you’ll have a better appreciation for how they live and therefore be a more empathetic parent. You’re welcome.
A Homey Aesthetic: An open-office floor plan is like a studio apartment. Isn’t that what you live in? If not, we should look into your salary - especially because ever since we rearranged the office, your productivity has dipped dramatically, and you definitely don’t deserve last year’s bonus.
Honest Communication: There are no filters in an open-office - which you’ve already noticed, since you did walk right up to me and tell me you could not last another day with this floor plan. You never had the courage to say that before!
New Horizons: Ultimately, in my experience, the open-office floor plan typically compels employees to find a new job faster than they would otherwise. Huzzah!
Love you guys xox
Ginny